Dealer's Choice
by Sh1 n0 m1k0
Summary: AU fic. On Hiatus. But still funny.
1. Go Fish

  
  
Disclaimer: Need I say more?   
  


*~*~*~*~*

  
  
  


**Dealer's Choice**   
  
Chapter 1: Go Fish

  


*~*~*~*~*

  
  
"Mom? Why are there strange men taking away my stuff?"   
  
"I forgot to tell you, didn't I? You got married this afternoon!"   
  
"WHAAAAT?!?"   
  


*~*~*~*~*

  
  
Kagome sulked at the kitchen table as she waited for her mother to finish pouring tea. _'How the hell can I be married? I can't even keep a boyfriend for crying out loud! There was no ceremony! There was no ring! Hell, is this even LEGAL?'_   
  
She was jarred out of her thoughts by a smiley face mug and her mother seating herself across the table from her.   
  
"You may want to be sitting down, dear."   
  
"I am sitting down."   
  
"Drink your tea."   
  
"Not thirsty."   
  
"Would you like something to eat?"   
  
"Not hungry."   
  
"How about-"   
  
"No."   
  
Her mother sighed, "Very well. You know about your grandfather's little gambling problem..."   
  
"Doesn't everyone?"   
  
"Please, dear. Let me finish. He was playing cards with Mr. Inutaisho again..."   
  
"The guy he wagered Buyo against and lost?"   
  
"Now, Kagome, you know he won Buyo back, so don't hold a grudge," she sipped her tea, blowing on it's surface lightly. Kagome's brow furrowed.   
  
"If what I think happened, really happened, I'll kill him. Slowly."   
  
"Don't jump to conclusions, Kagome." Her mother set her mug down, "Now where was I?"   
  
"Inutaisho."   
  
"Ah, yes. Inutaisho. Right. Well, your grandfather was playing cards against him last night."   
  
"We've established that."   
  
"Good," Kagome's mother stood to clear away her empty mug, and Kagome's forgotten one. However, Kagome stood, slamming her hands down on the tabletop abruptly, interrupting any sort of escape the woman may have.   
  
"You're avoiding me! Why is all my stuff being taken away?!? Did he bet all my belongings for some twisted reason? What happened?!?"   
  
Her mother gave an earth-rending sigh and sank back into her chair, "Your grandfather wagered your hand in marriage to his son."   
  
"...And?"   
  
"...And lost."   
  
"He's DEAD!" Kagome began to storm off.   
  
"Kagome! Wait! That's not all." She turned and watched her mother fumble around in her pocket and pulled out a folded piece of paper. She slid it across the tabletop towards her daughter. Kagome picked it up, unfolded it, and scanned the page, slumping into her chair as all the bones in her body decided to turn liquid in shock.   
  
"This is..."  
  
"The marriage certificate."   
  
"But how..."   
  
"Forged."   
  
"...Aspirin?"   
  
"We're out. I've already checked."   
  
"Great," Kagome stared at the paper, willing the ink delicately placed on it to fall off the page and a hidden message of 'HA HA FOOLED YOU!' to blossom outwards. Needless to say, it didn't happen., "This can't be real. I mean, there's supposed to be love! Romance! A floofy white dress! I don't even have a ring!"   
  
Her mother fished around in her pocket again for a second, then tossed a small object at her. She caught it, and stared at the offending projectile.   
  
It was a cheap plastic monstrosity, with a band of painted silver, and a misshapen blob of purple as it's "rock". She recalled seeing something like it in a quarter machine at the local grocery store.   
  
"You've GOT to be kidding."   
  
At this point, Grandpa unwisely made the decision to enter the room, donning a party hat in celebration for the 'wonderous' occasion. He blew a party horn.   
  
"Kagome! Just the one I was looking for! My granddaughter has grown so much! Don't you think so, Aya?"   
  
Her mother nodded defeatedly as said granddaughter glared daggers at her grandfather.   
  
"I hate you."   
  
"Really. It's not as bad as it seems!"   
  
"Convince me."   
  
"He's a really nice boy!"   
  
"Uh-huh."   
  
"He's about a year or so older than you, and he works for a nearby construction company. I hear he's quite the looker!"   
  
"Riiiight..."   
  
"This will work out wonderfully."   
  
"Mmmm-hmm. Like the time when you lost both my life savings and Souta's? Or Mom's car so she had to walk five miles to work everyday? Or maybe like Grandma's burial plot, THE DAY AFTER HER FUNERAL!!!" Kagome was in fight/lash out/kill the old man mode.   
  
He shrugged, "She wanted to be cremated anyway."   
  
If Kagome hadn't been sitting already, the off-handed way in which he made the remark would have knocked her onto her bum. As it was, the dark aura that was building around her began to drain away, and her glowing red eyes began to turn into their normal color. She blinked.   
  
"I- I can't believe you..."   
  
" You're his wife now."   
  
"Wha- NO!"   
  
"Your new home is waiting."   
  
"I NEVER AGREED T-"   
  
Grandpa pulled the irate woman to her feet and began to usher her out the door and into the hallway, "You need to get packed."   
  
"BUT-"   
  
He shoved her down the hallway to her room, "You're moving in tonight!"   
  
"HOW-"   
  
"Hurry. We're leaving soon." And without any further delay, Kagome found herself propelled into her room with the door slammed shut and the unmistakable click of a lock behind her.   
  
"YOU CAN'T DO THIS TO ME!" She screamed, pounding on the door.   
  
Her mother's voice appeared on the other side of the door, "Kagome, please," she pleaded.   
  
Kagome settled with a frustrated scream and throwing her pillows at the door with satsifying thunps. Meanwhile, on the other side....   
  
"Are you sure this is such a good idea?"   
  
"Of course, Aya," Grandpa patted her on the shoulder, "How else am I going to get great-grandchildren?"   
  
"You do have a point..."   
  


*~*~*~*~*

  
  
_'This is absolutely crazy!!' _ Kagome thought as she continued to fill her suitcase. _'How could this happen? Why me? When did he find time to put an outside lock on my door?'_   
  
There was a sharp knock, and her mother slipped into the room, quietly closing the door behind her, "I'm happy that you're taking this well, honey."   
  
Kagome snorted in a very unladylike manner, "Well. Right."   
  
"Just think of this as an adventure." She sat on the bed next to the almost full suitcase.   
  
Kagome shot her a cynical look and proceeded to shove a pair of jeans into the suitcase.   
  
"It's like a fairy tale," her mother continued, getting entirely too into her ramblings, "You know! Like the ones where the beautiful princess is involved in an arranged marriage and when she finally meets the prince it turns out that they're perfect for eachother and they live happily ever after..." She trailed off, building the fantasy in her mind, stars beginning to glow in her eyes.   
  
"Yeah," Kagome managed to bite out, voice dripping with bitterness, "And if they didn't, they died of horrible fiery deaths." She snapped the suitcase shut for emphasis.   
  
"Kagome!"   
  
"What?!" She looked her startled mother square in the eye, this had been bothering her for quite some time, and it was time for it to come out, "How do I know what he's like? What if he's abusive? What if he's an alcoholic? What if he's some sort of drug addict? What if he's an abusive, alcoholic, drug addict? I don't know! I've just been thrown into this, and I can't do a thing about it!"   
  
She fought back frustrated tears. She would not cry! She would NOT cry! She WOULD NOT-! Too late. Warm arms wrapped around her shoulders, squeezing gently. "Kagome," her mother offered a heartfelt smile, "I'm sure that things will turn out in the end."   
  
Kagome sniffled, "Sure. I'll just keep telling myself that."   
  
"I'm going to miss you around the house."   
  
"The only reason I'm still around the house is because that man lost my apartment to that Kagura woman," she mumbled.   
  
"I'm happy for you."   
  
"Let's just get this over with."   
  


*~*~*~*~*

  
  
Kagome stood on the front lawn, staring at the nice sized building. _'Well...it doesn't look too bad...' _ Her mother tugged on her arm.   
  
"Are you going to stand out here all day? Come on!"   
  
The movers had unceremoniously piled her belongings in the middle of the living room. From her spot in the front doorway, Kagome could also see a fair-sized kitchen and a hallway that disappeared somewhere off to her left. She stepped inside and approached the hallway. There she found the master bath, the master bedroom, and two guestrooms. Picking a roof for herself, she began to haul her stuff into it, with the help of Grandpa and her mother.   
  
When everything was in her new habitat, her mother glanced at her watch, "Kagome-dear, I have to go get your brother from his friend's house, and your Grandpa has to go close up the shrine. Will you be okay?"   
  
Kagome smiled meekly, picking up the subliminal message 'You won't go and kill yourself the moment we leave will you?' "I guess. Can you come back later? I need someone to drive me to the mechanic's to pick up my car before it gets too late."   
  
She nodded, "I can do that. And I'll bring Souta, too." She kissed her daughter on the forehead, "Bye, sweetie." And they left.   
  
Kagome sighed. Great. Now she was alone in an empty house that was now making spooky, empty noises but would not be empty because she was married, and her new husband was supposed to show up at any minute. Oh, hell.   
  
"Well," she remarked to no one in particular, "Might as well get settled..."   
  
_'Now where was that Tylenol...'_  
  


*~*~*~*~*

  
  
A/N: I've been planning this one for soooooo long! And I finally got the time to type the chapter! Whoo! And it's my birthday tomorrow! So a nice present would be a review! They help me write! I end everything with exclamation points! Review, onegai? 


	2. Speed

Disclaimer: Duh.   
  


*~*~*~*~*   
  
**Dealer's Choice**   
  
_Chapter 2 : Speed_

  
  


*~*~*~*~*

  
  
  
  
"I'M NOT DOING IT!!" The door slammed.   
  
"Inuyasha!" His mother tapped delicately on the now closed door, "You're being childish. Now, come out of there and let's talk about this!"   
  
"There's nothing to talk about!"   
  
"I'm sure he means well-"   
  
"Means WELL? You think he means WELL?!? Ma, the man left home when I was FIVE! Then, now, years later, I get a package in the mail that says that I'm married to some woman he won in a POKER GAME, and, OH, he's SORRY he never kept in CONTACT with me, here's fifty bucks to make up for all the BIRTHDAY CARDS he never SENT!! And you say he means WELL?!?" He roared.   
  
"Don't use that tone with me, young man! Now come out of there this instant!" She waited expectantly.   
  
Slowly the door opened, and Inuyasha came out sheepishly. He crossed his arms.   
  
"Feh."   
  
"That's better. Now, we'll go downstairs and have a nice long discussion with a piece of cake. I don't feel like bickering with you in the hallway, and I know that you've been eyeing the cake sitting on the kitchen counter hungrily for quite some time now."   
  
"Fine."   
  


*~*~*~*~*

  
  
Recliners are comfortable. It is led to believe in many social circles that somewhere out in the great wide universe, a law was passed requiring recliners to be at their peak in comfort and supportive existence. So, naturally, after the "discussion" Inuyasha flopped into the tired, old, broken-in recliner that was situated in front of a television in the den. Unfortunately, the poor chair did not meet up to his standards and expectations. Example being the ability to swallow him whole and deposit him in an entirely new dimension so he didn't have to deal with whatever crap his father saddled him with this time.   
  
He settled for grabbing the remote and channel surfing viciously. If you can call giving the shows in question motion sickness because of hitting buttons so fast.   
  
The conversation with his mother did not carry well. It basically consisted of his constant protesting, her motherly persuasion, more protests, until she finally took matters into her own hands and packed a duffel for him, informing him that she would take care of hiring a moving company to pick up the rest of his belongings. So now here he was, sulking and making images fly past his eyes so quickly it was all a blur, as a tiny woman packed his things, gung-ho to carry out with her missing husband's wishes. It was all his father's fault, anyway. It was his fault for everything.   
  
Dammit.   
  
Rugrats melded into The Naked Chef melded into Changing Spaces melded into Family Matters melded into Smurfs.   
  
Why, of all people, did he have to be the one with a father who seems to have handed him hell on a platter?   
  
Smurfs transformed into Power Rangers melted into Nova changed to the News switched into Martha Stewart Living turned into Invader Zim. He left it.   
  
"I'm gonna sing the Doom Song!"   
  
_'Yes.'_ Inuyasha thought, uncharacteristically._ 'Sing the song of my life, you dog-bot freak thing.'_   
  
Now, I know what most of you are thinking. But it's okay. He's distraught. Allow him a little out-of-characterness.   
  
It was just as he said before. That his rat-bastard of a father of his disappeared. Leaving him and his mother alone. Genetics and all.   
  
He flipped the channel once again. It landed on Labyrinth.   
  
"Such a pity." Jareth remarked.   
  
Inuyasha scowled again. Stupid coincidence. Kicking in just as he was in the swing of feeling bad for himself. Gah. A strand of milky white hair drifted in front of his eyes. He brushed it aside, aggravation building.   
  
However, all of his carefully constructed sulking composure was stripped from him as a nice little old lady entering the room, turning off the television manually, grabbing him by an ear, dragging him out to his truck and shoving him in.   
  
"We have to get to your new place before dark. I can't WAIT to meet your new wife!! I'll be following you to make sure you don't try to go to one of your little friend's houses. Here's the address," She shoved a piece of torn notebook paper into his hands, and he studied it as she retreated into her own car. He started the truck and backed out of the driveway, carrying out his mother's wishes like a dutiful son. Of course, one always knows that what is seen on the outside doesn't necessarily mean that it resides on the inside, too.   
  
_'Stupid, mucking, snaggart, fornemul, cratchmu...'_   
  


*~*~*~*~*

  
  
_'Where is this place?!'_   
  
Inuyasha was getting irritated. It seemed that the bloody house was on an entirely different planet! In his rearview mirror, he watched his tailgating mother sing along to the radio. From what he could lip-read, it must have been 'Footloose.' Feh. He hated that song.   
  
And lo! his deliverer arrived! In the form of a cheesy ring tone to the tune of 'Itsy Bitsy Teeny Weeny Yellow Polka Dot Bikini' that was now emanating from his cell phone. Feh. Shippo must have reprogrammed it the last time he was over, the little troublemaker.   
  
Signaling, he pulled to the edge of the road, irate mother close behind. As he fumbled for the elusive phone, his mother got out of her car and approached his. She tapped on the window, and he rolled it down, phone to his ear.   
  
"Hello?"   
  
"Yash! Buddy! Pal!"   
  
He rolled his eyes, "Whaddaya want Miroku?" Then he placed his hand over the phone so he could speak to his mother, "Go on ahead. I'll catch up."   
  
"You better. Or you'll have to explain yourself to me!"   
  
"Yes, ma. WHAT?" He missed what Miroku just said.   
  
"I SAID what are you doing tonight? I got a lead on a possible double date!"   
  
The maroon Grand Marquis pulled away and disappeared into the highway horizon.   
  
"No can do. I get to meet some chick."  
  
"Ah. Since when did you actively enter the dating scene?"   
  
"I didn't. We're married."   
  
"WHAT?!? When did you tie the knot?"   
  
"I didn't."   
  
"But-"   
  
"Don't ask. It's a long story and I don't have the patience to tell you."   
  
"Okay, but I expect an explicit description of the honeymoon. Wedding night preferably."   
  
"Shaddup." Click.   
  
And there he sat. Watching cars go by, floundering in self-pity, and still processing the fact that he was now a married man. Well, he'd better get going if he didn't want his mother to tan his hide.   
  
Wait a sec.   
  
His mother wasn't following him anymore.   
  
No one knows where he is.   
  
He could just...   
  
...leave.   
  
...   
  
**RHODE ISLAND HERE HE COMES!!!!**   
  
To an innocent or not-so-innocent bystander, it would've seemed that the driver of the nice forest green pickup truck had lost his grip on sanity. Thus, with a roaring engine and maniacal laughter erupting from the open window, the truck peeled off the side of the road with screeching tires, pulled a u-turn and sped off in the opposite direction of where he was originally heading.   
  
Little did he know of the unknown eyes that watched his every move and followed his explosive departure. It's mysterious presence was brought to Inuyasha's attention by the sound of a siren, and some flashing red and blue lights that blinked in his rearview mirror. Muttering curses, he pulled over. Again.   
  
The cop followed suit and got out of the car, calmly approaching the driver's window. Inuyasha looked at the officer and scowled.   
  
The recipient of the scowl grinned, "Hello."   
  
"God dammit, Myoga! What the hell do you want, you bastard?"   
  
Myoga grinned harder, "I'm under the direction of your mother to make sure that you get to this address." He held up a piece of paper with what Inuyasha identified as his mother's handwriting scrawled across it.   
  
"When the hell did you talk to her?"   
  
"When you were on the phone. Now I'm afraid you'll have to turn around, or I'll be forced to ticket you."   
  
"FOR WHAT?!?"   
  
"I'm not sure, but I'll think of something."   
  
"Bastard."   
  


*~*~*~*~*

  
  
Inuyasha grumbled as he pulled into his new driveway and parked. He jumped out of the vehicle and walked over to where his mother was waiting for him diligently. Shows how much faith she had. She waved at the cop car that drove past.   
  
"Now isn't this lovely?" She exclaimed, eyeing the house appreciatively, "I'm sure the inside is even better!"   
  
"Says the wolf as he views his prey," Inuyasha muttered under his breath, opening the front door for the older woman. He gazed longingly at his truck before shaking his head and entering his new home after her, closing the door quietly.   
  
Welcome to hell, boys.   
  
  
  


*~*~*~*~*

  
A/N: No I didn't die. Sorry that I didn't get the chap up sooner, I was held captive on a family vacation. *shudder* Hopefully, things'll turn out a little sooner with posting. Until next time!   
  
~ Shi no Miko ~ 


	3. Crazy Eights

*~*~*~*~*   
  
Dealer's Choice   
Chapter 3: Crazy Eights   
  
*~*~*~*~*

  
  
Immediately after entering, and after much poking and prodding on his mother's behalf, Inuyasha began to explore the house. he heard music coming from one of the guestrooms and went to investigate. He found a very nice surprise...   
  
A state-of-the-art entertainment system!!!   
  
He was drawn to it like a moth to a flame. He just could not resist. It was just so... beautiful...   
  
And so he stood before it, reveling in all of it's electronic glory before reaching out with a trembling hand and pressing a button, causing the currently playing radio to a CD. He recoiled, giggling wildly.   
  
"I was listening to theat."   
  
He blanched, realizing his major slip in control/etiquette, and turned to face his adversary.   
  
A young woman was watching him from across the room with her hands planted on her hips. Her eyes were twinkling with amusement as he swallowed, fighting to regain his composure as the close proximity to the electronic god was making him giddy.   
  
"H-hi..."   
  
"Hi," she countered smoothly. Hey, she wasn't the one with her hand caught in the cookie jar now was she? "Who are you?"   
  
He stuck out his hand, "Inuyasha. I don't think we've met." She shook his hand.   
  
"No, I do believe we haven't. I'm Kagome Higurashi. It's nice to meet you."   
  
Inuyasha nodded as she released his hand and turned back to her obvious unpacking, "So...are you going to set that up in the living room?" he asked hopefully.   
  
"I wasn't planning on it. Why?"   
  
"Well... you see..."   
  
His mother chose this moment to enter the room and immediately laid eyes on the duo.   
  
"You must be my son's new wife!" She exclaimed, bustling up to Kagome and hugging her tightly, "He's so lucky! You seem like a wonderful person; I'm sure we'll get along just splendidly!"   
  
Meanwhile, Inuyasha was turning a lovely shade of burgundy as Kagome attempted to breath around the tiny woman's staggering grip, unable to keep up with her stream of chatter. Suddenly she was released, and her new mother-in-law began to retreat from the room.   
  
"I should leave you to your nuptial bliss now. I'm sure that you'll want to get started right away, and you won't want to be disturbed."   
  
The doomed couple stared blankly at each other for a moment...   
  
...then realization hit...   
  
...And Kagome scrambled after her mother-in-law with Inuyasha hot on her tail, not wanting to be left alone with the thought of what his mother was implying.   
  
"Wait!" Kagome practically flew after the woman, skidding to halt in front of her and grabbing her hands, "Why don't you stay for dinner?" Her frantic grip tightened with the decline, "Tea, then? Anything?" Apparently the woman wasn't that well trained in the art of subliminal messages, or she just ignored them all, because she merely smiled and extracted herself from Kagome's death-grip.   
  
"No, my dear. That's quite alright. But thank you for the offer. You two had better get started! I'm expecting lots of grandchildren!"   
  
Kagome paled.   
  
Inuyasha blushed.   
  
And to add insult to injury, the doorbell rang.   
  
"Look! Guests!" Inuyasha chirped, uncomfortable with the entire situation and incredibly tense, but nonetheless grateful for the distraction. he hurried to the door and swung it open, only to stare dumbfoundedly at their visitors. Souta, Kagome's mother, and Grandpa stared right back at him.   
  
Suddenly, Kagome's mother burst into tears and threw herself into the man's arms.   
  
"I'm so happy for you!" She sobbed, "Take good care of my baby!"   
  
Inuyasha blanched, and held her awkwardly, patting her back in a stiff, mechanized manner. Souta held his spot in the doorway, ogling his new brother-in-law as Grandpa pushed his way past the hysterical woman and plopped a cake-box down on the kitchen table.   
  
"Is that your real hair color?" Souta asked, in awe of all that made up the greatness that was Inuyasha. The object of his affections looked up from the still wailing woman in his arms.   
  
"Huh? Oh... yeah."   
  
"COOOLL!"   
  
Inuyasha's shirt was getting wet, "I guess so."   
  
"Are those contacts?"   
  
"No... it's my real eye color..."   
  
"AWESOME!!"   
  
Meanwhile, everything was still registering in Kagome's mind, and she stood lifelessly, with her eyes glazed over. That is, of course, her mother appeared in front of her out of nowhere, leaving behind a dazed Inuyasha.   
  
"Grandpa got you a cake, Kagome! Isn't that nice of him?"   
  
Inuyasha's mother squealed, as scary as that may seem for the older woman,"That's so sweet! You must be her family! My name's Haruka, Inuyasha's mother."   
  
Kagome's mother responded in like manner, bringing the Apocalypse to near launch by squealing and hugging Haruka, "I'm Aya, Kagome's mother. That's her grandfather, and her brother, Souta," She pointed them out, "I have the cutest baby pictures of Kagome! Here, let me show you!" She began to rummage through her purse, eagerly.   
  
"MOM!"   
  
Another knock on the door, adding to the chaos.   
  
"I'LL GET IT!"   
  
"SOUTA! NO!"   
  
~Insert Slow Motion Clip~   
  
Kagome turned from attempting to stop her mother from showing her baby pictures of doom to face the door. Souta was already sprinting to it, and she ran after him, vaulting over a couch. Unfortunately for her, she was unable to catch him, and only succeeded in tripping over a loose rug, and ending face flat on the floor. The door opened to reveal two women bearing casseroles.   
  
~End Slow Motion Clip~   
  
"Hello! May we come in?"   
  
"Uh..." Souta looked first at his sister, who was twitching on the floor, and then to his mother, who motioned him to let them in, "...Sure."   
  
The two scurried into the building, carefully stepping over Kagome's body and followed Souta into the kitchen. Kagome got up off the floor.   
  
"Why me?" She lamented as she followed the group.   
  
The women quickly placed their dishes on the table and turned to Inuyasha, who was standing near a doorway, waiting for a reason to bolt, and Kagome, who was just entering the room.   
  
One of the women, who had her hair cut short and was wearing glasses, introduced herself, "My name is Rumiko. This," she motioned to her companion, who had her long hair pulled up into a ponytail, "Is Midoriko. We're your new neighbors!"   
  
Then, all together...   
  
"WELCOME TO THE NEIGHBORHOOD!!"   
  
Inuyasha flinched at the volume as Kagome quickly reverted to her shock mode, eye twitching slightly.   
  
CRAZIES! She was surrounded by CRAZIES! All she ever wanted to do was have a car, a nice little apartment, and maybe a cat. She had been THIS CLOSE until Grandpa had his way, but STILL! She didn't need overzealous neighbors like this! And what happened to her MOTHER?!? One minute she's worried for her, like a good, caring mother, and the next she's gung-ho about it working, and is showing her 'husband's mother pictures of her playing in the toilet! CRAZIES!! Kagome snuck a glance at Inuyasha.   
  
He wasn't faring much better.   
  
_'Okay. I can handle this. I can handle this. I can... Who the hell am I kidding?' _His eyes darted around the room, looking for a potential reason to leave. His eyes landed on a glass of water that was sitting on a counter. He began to inch towards the door.   
  
"I.. Uh... I .uh. Have to go to the bathroom... BE RIGHT BACK!" He darted out of the room, sprinting down the hallway, vaulting into said bathroom and slamming the door behind him. Locking it securely.   
  
Souta watched his exit with wide eyes, "Wow. He musta really had to go."   
  
"INUYASHA!!" His mother was quick to follow him. Leaving Aya, Souta, and Grandpa, to converse with Rumiko and Midoriko. Kagome was busy trying to figure out why Inuyasha felt the need to run off like that. Besides the obvious.   
  


*~*~*~*~*

  
  
"INUYASHA! NOW IS NOT THE TIME TO BEHAVE LIKE THIS!"   
  
"I DON'T CARE"   
  
"IF YOU DON'T COME OUT OF THERE THIS SECOND, I'LL DRAG YOU OUT!"   
  
"FINE!"   
  
CRASH!   
  
"AHHH! I'M COMING! I'M COMING!"   
  


*~*~*~*~*

  
  
A few minutes later, Haruka triumphantly came back to the kitchen, a defeated Inuyasha trailing obediently behind her.   
  
While all the drama was taking place, Grandpa had opened the cake-box and carefully removed a lurid orange cupcake. Next out of the box was a cheesy bride and groom statuette that he delicately balanced on the orange frosting. Last out of the box came an oversized butcher knife that glittered dangerously in the lighting. This came crashing down, ending the statuette and cupcake's short, little lives with one fell swoop.   
  
The accompanying 'BANG!' caused everyone to jump, before the old man grabbed one of both Kagome and Inuyasha's hands, dragging them to the severed sweet, handing them each half.   
  
Kagome stared blankly at the artificially colored mess in her hands, then looked to her mother, "I thought you said he got a cake."   
  
Her mother shrugged, "Slight mistake. Go on."   
  
"Go on, what?"   
  
"Feed it to him, of course!"   
  
Kagome blanched and grimaced at the orange goop plastered to her fingers. Inuyasha had thankfully missed the exchange by being preoccupied with sniffing, then poking at the cupcake, determining if it was even edible.   
  
Kagome sighed and raised her hand up to Inuyasha. He gave her a funny look. She motioned again. He shook his head. She did it again. He shook his-   
  
"Would you two hurry up already?"   
  
This resulted in a double-whammy Glare O' Death from the couple.   
  
"Do you want to do this, Souta?" Kagome challenged.   
  
"No. I'm just sick of staring at you two. I wanna go home!"   
  
Kagome was about to retort when Inuyasha took advantage of the distraction to loop his arm around hers, enabling him to eat his own cupcake. At first, she was confused. Then she understood and followed suit. Swallowing, her face turned a sickly shade of green.   
  
"That was so DARLING!!" All the older women in the room exclaimed collectively, then rushed the two to give them their congratulations and to wish them luck.   
  
Inuyasha and Kagome looked at each other as excitement coursed through their guests. Their thoughts became one.   
  
_'Oh, hell...'_   
  
Thus was the beginning of a beaUTIFUL relationship.   
  
... We hope ...   
  


*~*~*~*~*

  
  
A/N: I have the ever so annoying urge to justify myself. Huh. Therefore, I might as well do a couple shout-outs, ne?   
  
yosei/amber eyes: Nooooo! You have cracked the evil code!! *cries* ....wait... You really want me to be that bland?   
  
Ithilwen K-Bane: I plan on clearing that up in the fourth chapter... heh...   
  
Bremusa: Yeah... yeah... The first chapter was really rushed. Just like the rest of the fic probably will be. I like to think that it adds to the feeling of confusion and hopeless. I mean, things were happening so fast, Kagome didn't get to even think!   
  
Renangel: ...I think you have me confused with someone else...   
  
Any who, not that that's all over, stay tuned for the next chapter of Dealer's Choice : Slapjack! 


	4. Slapjack

*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
**_Dealer's Choice_**  
  
  
  
_Chapter 4: Slapjack_  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*

  
  
  
  
  
  
"Get OUT of my ROOM!"  
  
"I have just as much right to be here as you do, WENCH!"  
  
"Out, Out, OUT!!"  
  
SLAM!  
  
"Aren't you s'posed to be settling in the Master Bedroom?"  
  
"Shouldn't you NOT CARE?! GO AWAY!!"  
  
"Are you always this bitchy?"  
  
"LEAVE ME ALONE!!"  
  
"I thought that you wanted this stupid arrangement! That's what my old man wrote anyway!"  
  
The house went deadly silent, and a tumbleweed was seen making it's merry way across the hallway, just missing Inuyasha's toes from his station of annoyance outside the door to Kagome's territory. He actually felt a chill go down his spine as the door to the room opened slowly, a few dramatic creaks thrown in for good measure. Kagome was absolutely glowering, bangs casting dangerous shadows across her face.  
  
"You think," she began, trembling ever-so-slightly-just-enough-for-a-dramatic-effect, "That I wanted to be married to some COMPLETE STRANGER?!?"  
  
"Well, when you put it that way..."  
  
"YOU BASTARD! You don't UNDERSTAND!," Her head whipped upward to glare at him with delicately frustrated-tear-glazed eyes, "My Grandfather has ruined my entire LIFE! If it wasn't for him and his stupid GAMBLING ADDICTION, I WOULDN'T BE HERE!"  
  
Inuyasha smirked at her knowingly, "Neither would I."  
  
Drawing upon her dwindling reserve of calmnosity, the poor woman drew a deep breath and let it out slowly, _'Tie it to the ball, and throw it all away. Give it to the wind, and let it blow away. Tie it to the goldfish, and flush it down the toilet...'_  
  
"Oi, wench. You okay?"  
  
_'To hell with that.' _ "No. I'm not okay." And with that, she quietly closed the door in his face.   
  
Inuyasha studied the grain of the wood for a moment, attempting to fathom what just happened right there. It was getting fucking confusing. One minute, they're enjoying an argument that just may begin World War III, and the next, she calmly retreats into her room without so much as a parting shot. And so, attempting to stop his poor, abused, forced-to-think brain from hurting, he banged on the door.   
  
"What the fuck's wrong with you? MAKE UP YOUR STUPID MIND!!"  
  
This got him a furious reappearance of the Kagome-Demon, "Excuse me, but you didn't deal with Grandpa throughout your entire existence. You didn't get everything you owned disappear for strange reasons. Hell, YOU NEVER LOST YOUR CAT TO A GAMBLING GEEZER! AND NOW YOUR GOING TO YELL AT ME LIKE IT'S MY FAULT?!? THINK AGAIN!" He stood dumbfoundedly again. Then, narrowing his eyes at the his seething wife, he found his tongue.  
  
"Hold it, wench! You think you're the only victim here? What about me? What about the fact that my fucking dad is to blame, NOT ME! Dammit! If my mom wasn't so fucking devoted to his every wish, even after he fucking LEFT HER AND ME!!, then this wouldn't be a problem now would it?! Your family seemed pretty damn open to the arrangement!"  
  
"Apparently, my mother stopped at the doctor's office after picking up my brother to get a SEDATIVE! Does that tell you how this works?! How do you think I feel?!"  
  
"Fuck that! How do you think I feel?!?"   
  
The couple glared at each other heatedly for a minute. Kagome broke eye contact with the irate man to retrieve something from the recesses of her room. She returned with a roll of masking tape and a determined expression. Inuyasha watched curiously as she proceeded to tape a half-circle around the door, throwing him completely off whatever the hell they were arguing about to begin with. Oh yeah. Who's fault it was for getting hitched. Dammit.  
  
"What the hell are you doing?"  
  
"Cross this line," She replied, smoothing down the last piece of tape in response, "And you DIE."  
  
And with that, she retreated into her room, slamming the door behind her. Those poor doors. They've just been taking such a beating lately...  
  
Anyway, Inuyasha stepped over the line in a true, arrogant, Inuyasha-style manner.   
  
"I CROSSED THE LINE, WENCH! WHADDAYA GONNA DO ABOUT IT?!"  
  
Kagome merely opened the door and kicked him soundly in the shins. Hard.  
  
"OW! BITCH!"  
  
She watched dispassionately as he hopped around on one foot, finally losing balance and falling backwards onto his bum-bum.  
  
"And I'm keeping my maiden name."  
  
"HEY!"  
  
SLAM!  
  
And that's how he ended up sleeping in his truck that night.  
  


*~*~*~*~*

  
  
Now, as you've probably determined that things didn't go too well after everyone left.  
  
You've basically determined right.  
  
First it was the fight to get to the bathroom first, to rid themselves of the dreaded cupcake. Too much artificial coloring. Then there was the fact that neither of them were in their right minds, therefore immediately blaming their little problem on each other, even though they just learned each other's names a few minutes ago. Their first conversation without an audience started like this.  
  
"This has to be all your fault."  
  
But...  
  
...that's all in the past now. No sense in bringing it up. I really don't know what came over me... *cough*  
  
Kagome woke up feeling rather refreshed after a good night's sleep. That is until she realized that everything was not, in fact, a dream as she had initially hoped, but indeed, reality. Tough nookies, eh?  
  
Watch now as we zoom in upon the wild Higurashi in her new habitat...  
  


*~*~*~*~*

  
  
Inuyasha was nowhere to be found, and Kagome couldn't decide if this either exhilarated her, or made her nervous. She quickly finished unpacking her things and conducted a careful search of the grounds. There were no clues as to where her jerk of a husband-dearest went to.  
  
Then she saw it.  
  
A perfectly harmless sheet of paper laying on the kitchen table.  
  
Obviously, a note.  
  
She felt entirely stupid, then scanned the page quickly.  
  
_**'Whatever-your-name-is, If you care, went to work. Cell number below. Be back later.'**_  
  
She sat down, flipping the paper over to see if there was any more on the back. Nothing.  
  
_'That's it? At least I remember his stupid, idiotic name!' _ Kagome rose and approached the coffee machine her mother gave her as a house-warming gift before she left. There was still some of the brown/black liquid left. Inuyasha must have made a pot before he left to where ever the hell he went. She shrugged and poured herself a cup before sipping the lukewarm concoction. Grimacing, she spat the mouthful back into the mug. Heh. Forgot how much she hated the stuff, not to mention the fact that it was strong enough to kill an elephant. As she rinsed out the wasted coffee mug in the sink, a tsunami of guilt washed over her and began to eat away at the indignation that she had carefully constructed for such an occasion. She had been really mean to him yesterday...  
  
"I'll give him a call and apologize!"  
  


*~*~*~*~*

  
  
"Hey, Yash! Boss wants us to move this stuff for the next crew!"  
  
"What? It's too loud!"  
  
"Hold on!" The non-descript man signaled to some other non-descript men to keep their noise level down. Some equipment shut down in the process, "We're supposed to clear this junk outta here."  
  
"Right," Suddenly a cell phone went off, piercing the background noise with it's high-pitched rendition of 'Itsy-bitsy, Teeny-weeny, Yellow Polka-dot Bikini'.  
  
As if all the men in earshot shared the same brainwave, they all held up their hands, pinkies and pointers extended, up to their ears in a mockery of the poor call recipient.  
  
"HELLO?"  
  
They immediately began conversations on their imaginary phones in loud, obnoxious voices.  
  
"You did WHAT to Schmuppy?!"  
  
"Do you want fries with that?"  
  
"Well, paint me green and call me Fern!"  
  
"When and Where?"  
  
"Of course, honey!"  
  
"What are you wearing?" That one earned the poor guy a few whallops on the cranium. Poor Jaken.  
  
Inuyasha glared at them all and answered his still ringing phone.  
  
"Yeah?"  
  
"Hello?" A delicate female voice responded, "Inuyasha?"  
  
"K-kagome?" He fumbled with the phone, almost dropping it in shock, "Why are you calling? Is something wrong? What happened?"  
  
"Nothing! I just wanted to-"  
  
"I LOVE YOU, SNOOKUMS!"  
  
"...what was that?"  
  
"Nothing, it's-"  
  
"YOU'RE MY LITTLE POOKY-BEAR!"  
  
"DAMMIT! Hold on," Inuyasha covered the phone with one hand in order to muffle sound, "WOULD YOU GUYS SHUT THE FUCK UP?!" He returned to the phone, "You were saying?"  
  
"Oh! I wanted-"  
  
"BE MY SNUGGLE BUNNY!"  
  
"GYAH! Look, this is a really bad time-"  
  
"I'm sorry! I-"  
  
"How 'bout you just meet me for lunch?"  
  
"YOU'RE MY BEAUTIFUL BUTTERFLY!"  
  
"Uh- sure."  
  
"Great. Meet me at Charlotte's at one."  
  
"Okay."  
  
"OOOOHHH! IT'S A DATE!"  
  
"I'M GONNA KILL YOU GUYS!" Click. Glare O' Death. Reception of grins in response.  
  
He was about to open his mouth to deliver a brutal verbal lashing, however, a slight problem brought him to a screeching halt.  
  
"Are all of your phone conversations this productive?"  
  
Jaken grinned at the woman who was now leaning delicately against a piece of abandoned machinery as to not muss her little black dress, "Awww, c'mon Kikyo. You know how much fun it is to harass the dog demon."  
  
She smiled coldly, "Yes," She remarked, picking her way to the silver-haired man in her stiletto pumps, "I do know."  
  
Said silver-haired man growled as she drew closer, "Get back to work." The crew scattered.  
  
Kikyo stopped just in front of Inuyasha and smiled sweetly at him, "Hello, darling."  
  
"Hi," he answered gruffly, leading her to a pile of beams away from the workers and plopping down on the makeshift bench.  
  
"You haven't changed a bit," she sighed as she trailed after him.  
  
"Feh."  
  
"I've been thinking about you."  
  
"Kikyo, that was a long time ago."  
  
"I know."  
  
"Not to mention that you're married now. To my BOSS."  
  
"What does that have to do with anything?"  
  
"You're gonna get me SACKED, KIKYO!"  
  
Her brow furrowed, confoozled, "What are you talking about? I - oh." She laughed, "You're STILL worried about that? Inuyasha, it was an innocent roll in the hay."  
  
"Feh. Tell that to Naraku when he finds out."  
  
"Naraku already knows."  
  
"Sure, he already- SHIT!" He jumped to his feet, "Are you trying to get me FIRED!?!" At the thought of his boss knowing of his and Kikyo's "little secret" was unnerving. Granted, it was a long time ago...  
  
"Calm down. Your pacing is making me motion sick. I highly doubt that a tussle back at Senior Prom is enough to make him nervous. That's not what I'm here for anyway. You're being paranoid!"  
  
"I am NOT paranoid!"  
  
"Sure. Not at all."  
  
"Feh."  
  
"ANYWAY! I was thinking about you the other day."  
  
"I'm sure. Still plotting on dragging me with you to hell?"  
  
Kikyo smiled slightly, "You still remember that?"  
  
"Feh. How could I forget?"  
  
"Figures. Naraku's been thinking of giving you a raise."  
  
"Generous old bastard, isn't he."  
  
"I managed to talk him into it. On your behalf of course."  
  
"...why?"  
  
"Because you deserve it. You're good at what you do," Kikyo's eyes twinkled with mischief, "And you're one hell of a lay."  
  
"Kikyo..."  
  
"Lighten up, Yash! Here," she began to rummage through a small purse she had slung over her shoulder and pulled out a packet of papers and a pen, "It's the new contract."  
  
"Feh," Inuyasha grabbed them and scanned them quickly, "I don't trust that bastard."  
  
"You don't trust any bastard. You're just jealous I dumped your ass for his."  
  
"Am not," he grumbled, signing his soul away to eternal damnation and handing the papers back to Kikyo.  
  
"Are too," She folded them and tucked them neatly back into her purse, "I expect you to come to the company picnic with the missus next week."  
  
That was enough to send him into choking spasms, "Wha- Who- How- ?" He began to sputter.  
  
Kikyo blinked at him innocently, "Well, I assume that was who you were talking to on the phone before," She watched his face turn a brilliant shade of red until she suddenly began laughing, "Where's a camera when you need it?"  
  
"A-actually..."  
  
That shut her up. It wasn't everyday you saw Inuyasha embarrassed and stammering, "Am I missing something?"  
  
"No."  
  
"I don't know... You got all flustered for a second when I mention you having a WIFE." She emphasized the word on purpose, watching for his response.  
  
Inuyasha went beet red at the word.  
  
"Are you feeling okay?" Kikyo placed a hand on his forehead, and he flushed harder, "You're hot. Not just sexy hot. Warm hot."  
  
"I'm fine," He choked.  
  
"Hmm..." She began to circle him like a shark eying it's next meal, heels leaving neat little imprints in the dirt, "You say that you're feeling fine, but you turned a lovely red-purple. This means I said something. Did I say something wrong?"  
  
He shook his head.  
  
"So it WAS something I said. What was it, Yasha? Your wife? Did you up and marry, puppy?" Kikyo studied his face for a moment, taking into account the sudden drain of color in his face and the sweat forming on his brow. She nodded, and turned to where his friends and coworkers were busy at work. She cupped her hands over her mouth, a makeshift megaphone.  
  
"HEY BOYS! YASH GOT HITCHED!!"  
  


*~*~*~*~*

  
  
'Charlotte's' turned out to be a small diner conveniently located a few blocks away from the construction zone Inuyasha was currently working at. Imagine that.  
  
After entering, Kagome was hit with a definite feeling of being out of place. Elderly and construction brutes lined the stools at the counter, and filled a few booths. Walking past, she could feel the weight of various gazes resting in the spot between her shoulder blades, pointedly ignoring a few crude remarks, wolf whistles, and cat calls.  
  
She slid into a booth and ordered a small salad and glass of water before desperately attempting to be hard at work and very busy staring out the window. Before long, someone slid into the seat across from her. Kagome looked up, a light greeting on her lips.  
  
That died rather quickly.  
  
A balding man leered at her from over his large belly. His stained teeth glistened as he grinned. It was all rather grotesque, really.  
  
"Hey, there sugar. Waitin' for someone?"  
  
"Ah..."  
  
He reached across the table to cover one of her small hands with his large, meaty one. "Why don'cha spend some time with me, eh?"  
  
Kagome's skin began to crawl as his fetid breath made an appearance as he leaned closer. It was like a deer in headlights. But then he slumped forward, hitting his head with an audible 'thump', and apparently unconscious.   
  
"Hello!" A younger man was sitting in the next booth, facing her. He looked at the, now snoring, scuzzball and clicked his tongue while shaking his head.  
  
"You'll have to forgive him, miss. He forgets himself sometimes. Not to mention the horrible manners." He jumped up and approached her, extending his hand, "Please, allow me to escort you to a table more befitting of your lovely stature." He pulled her to her feet and led her to a different booth.  
  
Kagome's head was spinning. So much was happening, and where the hell was Inuyasha, and why had that guy tried to hit on her because that was just gross, and JUST WHERE WAS THIS GUY'S HAND HEADING TO?!"  
  
Slap!  
  
"Your seat, milady," He made an extravagant bow, motioning to a new booth, and not missing a beat as he slid into the seat across from her, red handprint standing out like a beacon on his cheek. He took her hands from across the table, "Beautiful, I do believe we have yet to introduce ourselves. I am the infamous, Miroku Houshi, charmer extraordinaire. So now the question that remains is, what is your luscious identity?"  
  
Kagome stared at him as her eye began to develop a tic, _'Is this guy for real?!'_  
  
"I take it from your silence that you are too enamored with me to reply. Ah, the woes of being desirable! Well, trivialities aside," He jumped out of his seat, landing on the floor and kneeling in front of the shell-shocked woman. He gently directed her attention to the aisle he was in, still clutching at her hands, "Lovely lady, will you bear my chi-AWK!!"  
  


*~*~*~*~*

  
  
Life was great.  
  
Peachy, in fact.  
  
Just... Peachy...  
  
*insert earth-moving sigh*  
  
After Kikyo's impromptu announcement, jeers from his buddies, and general harassment all around, Inuyasha finally made it to Charlotte's. Only to find Miroku kneeling on the floor, apparently using his signature line to get himself creamed again. Some things never change.  
  
But then he realized who Miroku was talking _**to.**_  
  
His brow creased in anger, and he stomped over, grabbing hold of Miroku's short ponytail situated at the nape of his neck, and hoisting the man into the air.  
  
"... bear my chi-AWK!!"  
  
"Hello, Miroku."  
  
Kagome stared at her fuming savior as he dumped Miroku on to the floor and slid into the seat said pervert had previously occupied, thankful she didn't have to take the guy out herself. Otherwise, the only other thought in her head was how he looked like he walked out of one of her mother's old 'Working Men' calendars.   
  
Miroku's hand shot up into the air from his position on the floor, just visible above the table.   
  
"The usual."  
  
There was a thumbs-up and the sound of a scrambling body as Miroku headed for the kitchen. Kagome swallowed as Inuyasha directed his level, golden gaze at her.  
  
"What the hell was so important that you had to call me at work?"  
  
Kagome's salad and water appeared in front of her, compliments a la Miroku, only to have him scurry off to the back again. So much for that potential distraction. Shucky-darns.  
  
"Um... Ah..." She tried to think fast, beginning to fell idiotic for causing this stupid encounter in the first place. Was it really that necessary to have brought this all upon herself? Why, God? Why?  
  
Meanwhile, as she was drowning in her confusing thought circles that had somehow also included an end to world hunger, Inuyasha was trying to determine if she had suddenly gone brain dead by the way she had frozen and had zoned out. He waved his hand in front of her face. No response.  
  
"Hello?"  
  
Nope.  
  
"Wench?"  
  
Nothing.  
  
"Kagome..."  
  
Still no response.  
  
It was only until Miroku brought Inuyasha's food that she snapped out of it. That and the fact that Miroku had invited himself to sit next to her, dangerously close.  
  
At first, Inuyasha didn't notice. He was too busy attacking his burger and fries. It wasn't until he paused to take a gulp of his chocolate malt that he realized that Miroku was trying to actually feed a very reluctant Kagome.  
  
"Here comes the airplane! Open up the hangar! Vrrrrrrrrrr...." Miroku moved the fork in circles, zooming towards the woman's firmly, clamped shut mouth, stopping just in front of her close lips. He smiled disarmingly as she glared at him. As Miroku nudged the bite of lettuce at her, Inuyasha scowled.  
  
"Come now. This shouldn't be that hard. Open wide..."  
  
Kagome glared at him harder. Miroku sighed.  
  
"If I can't get you to eat, what makes you think I could get our future child to eat? I'm trying to prove I can be a good fath- URK!!"  
  
He noticed a french fry had made it's home sliding down his cheek, leaving a trail of ketchup in it's wake. Grabbing at the projectile and wiping off his face with a napkin, he admonished the culprit.  
  
"Really, Inuyasha. Was that necessary?"  
  
"No," said man replied, dipping a fry into his malt and stuffing it in his mouth, "But it sure made me feel better." Miroku made a big show of pouting at him, and Kagome quickly reclaimed her fork from Miroku's clutches.  
  
"Don't you have something to rearrange?"  
  
Miroku glared darkly at the still chewing Inuyasha, "That was low."  
  
Inuyasha shrugged, "Don't you have medication for that?"  
  
"Screw you," Miroku muttered as he slid out of the booth and stormed away quietly. Kagome watched the exchange wide-eyed and confused. She had never seen anything like it. Inuyasha, however, just went back to his meal like nothing happened. She focused her attention on him, and thoughtfully watched him chew the bread and meat concoction.  
  
"What was that all about?"  
  
"Nothing."  
  
"Right." She continued to study his eating habits and the fact that he refused to offer up any extra information for her info-hungry mind. She sighed. He looked up at her at the sound and scowled.  
  
"Weren't you about to explain why you called me? My lunch break's almost over."  
  
Once again, this sent Kagome into her spirals of self-doubt and loathing, but, hey, at least she answered...  
  
"I wanted to apologize."  
  
The reaction that she gained from Inuyasha, i.e. spewing his mouthful of water that he had been trying to take while she was building up her courage all over the table, was not exactly as...well... sanitary... As she would have liked it.  
  
Inuyasha wiped his mouth off with the back of his hand, "That's it?"  
  
"Um... yeah?"  
  
Well, this was a conundrum now wasn't it? He had to suffer through most of his morning just because she wanted to apologize? Feh. Could have been worse. Could have been raining.   
  
"Whatever."  
  
And with that extremely eloquent remark, Inuyasha rose from his seat, and left, without as so much as a backward glance. Leaving Kagome to puzzle over his answer, as well as the bill.  
  
Somedays, you just can't win.  
  


*~*~*~*~*~*

  
  


Disclaimer: I don't own it.


	5. War

  
  
**Dealer's Choice**   
  
Chapter 5: War   
  


====  
  
A few days later...  
  
"Get OUT of the BATHROOM!"  
  
"Hold on!"  
  
"OUT!" Inuyasha banged on the door, causing what few pictures kagome had hung on the walls to give the place more life, shake.  
  
"WAIT!"   
  
"How fucking long does it take to put your fucking hair in a fucking PONYTAIL?!"   
  
"Use the other bathroom!"   
  
"There IS no other BATHROOM!"   
  
"Then you'll just have to WAIT, WON'T YOU?!"   
  
"HURRY UP! I NEED TO TAKE A GODDAMN SHOWER!" He banged on the door again. This time something happened, albeit not what he expected.   
  
Kagome opened the door, and Inuyasha recieved a Dixie cup-ful of water in the face before the door slammed shut on him once again.   
  
"Bitch!"   
  
"You said you needed a shower!"   
  
The doorbell range, forcing Inuyasha to abandon his post at the coveted bathroom's door to answer it. He swung the door open as he wiped off his dripping features. Behind said door was a rather confused looking man, dressed rather nicely and clutching a bouquet of daisies.   
  
"Um... I'm looking for Miss Higurashi, but I must be mistaken. I'm sorry for interrupting your morning."   
  
"HOJO!" Kagome came barreling up from behind Inuyasha, who was just about to reply to the man with a particularly scathing remark, and knocked him to the side to hit the wall painfully.   
  
"Bathroom's open," She hissed before turning a brilliant smile in Hojo's direction, "What are you doing here?"   
  
Hojo blushed madly, shoving the flowers into Kagome's hands, "I thought that we might be able to car pool to work together... now that you're in the neighborhood and all... if that's okay with you..."   
  
Sniffing the bouquet delicately, Kagome smiled, "That's very sweet of you, but how did you know I moved? I just got here yesterday."   
  
Hojo blushed darker, "I... uh... called yesterday and your mother explained it to me."   
  
Kagome froze mid-inhale. Just how much did her mother tell him anyway? She gave a pointed look to the posies in her hands. Apparently not enough, or Hojo was just that dense. Inuyasha gagged and she kicked him.   
  
"That's nice of you Hojo. I'll be ready in a minute."   
  
"THE HELL IT-" Inuyasha's protest died as his shins met Kagome's foot once again. Hojo cocked his head to the side as he sized up the man who was glaring darkly at Kagome.   
  
"Kagome... uh... who is that... exactly?"   
  
She looked up in surprise, interrupted in her attempting to make Inuyasha's head implode telekinetically. "Oh... Hojo, this is Inuyasha. He's my hu-.. hu-... He lives here with me. It cuts down on rent." She grinned widely, praying to everything holy and unholy that the man would fall for it. _'Come on... come on... housemate... housemate...'_   
  
Said 'housemate' snorted, "Yeah, right. More like hus- OW! DAMMIT! WOULD YOU STOP KICKING ME ALREADY?"   
  
She flashed another bright smile at Hojo as Inuyasha hopped around on one foot, clutching his ankle in pain. "Hojo? Why don't you come in for a moment while I take care of these?"   
  
Hojo nodded and stepped inside, taking in his surroundings eagerly. Inuyasha watched him for a moment before excusing himself to follow Kagome's path into the kitchen. He found her there, searching the cupboards.   
  
"What the fuck was that all about?"   
  
Kagome paused, "Oh. It's you." She sighed and continued to rummage through the cupboard, "Nothing. Do you know what happened to the vases? I know there's a few around here somewhere?"  
  
"You call that nothing?"   
  
"You called that thing with Miroku nothing. Here, hold these for me, " She shoved the flowers into his hands, breezing past to begin her search in a new cupboard, and straining to reach the taller shelves.   
  
"Who is that guy?"   
  
"His name is Hojo, and he's a coworker of mine, thank you very much. Don't screw this up for me."   
  
"Oops." Inuyasha dropped the bouquet 'accidentally' into an oh-so-conveniently-placed garbage can, "Heh. Look at that."   
  
Kagome glared at him for a moment, then sighed, putting her hands up in defeat and retreated to her room, gracing Hojo with yet another dazzling smile as she cut through the living room. Inuyasha doggedly followed her; He still had questions he wanted answered.   
  
"Screw what up?" Realization hit as he stood in the doorway to her room, "Oh. You're planning an affair!"   
  
"Shut UP!" She hissed as she pushed past him with an athletic duffel bag slung over her shoulder, "Don't you have to go to work?"   
  
"Took the day off," He answered in a brusque manner, irked by the fact that she was planning on cheating on him, even though they couldn't possibly stand the other's presence without dealing out threats like candy on Halloween to children.   
  
Kagome quickly ushered Hojo out of the house and to his car, cutting whatever scalding remark that Inuyasha had poised to dive off the tip of his tongue to miss the pool and hit the concrete.   
  
He scowled. Something was going to have to be done about those two.   
  


====  
  
"Hiya, Ms. Higurashi! Hiya, Mr. Fatuous"   
  
Kagome waved and turned back to her conversation with Hojo. He had insisted on walking her to her class, and so here they were, chatting lightly. Soon they reached the door. Bidding Hojo a good day, Kagome pushed the door opened and flicked a switch. AS the lights slowly came to life, she surveyed the empty gymnasium. Time for the fun to begin.   
  
==== 

  
"Put that over there. Yeah. That's good. Thanks."  
  
Inuyasha had been playing traffic-control for the burly men, but now he merely waited for them to clear out. Yes, he had indeed taken the day off from work, but at the moment, he almost wished he was back. There was something depressing about moving into a house that was acquired by shady means.   
  
As soon as they had all gone and the truck was safely away, he made a beeline to a large box labeled 'Tetsusaiga'. He tore at the packing tape in a near blind panic, digging into the box and sending packing peanuts flying. Carefully, he drew out a computer monitor.   
  
"Hello, doll," he cooed, "Did you miss me?" He looked around his room, "Now, where should we put you?"   
  


====  
  
"OVER!"   
  
The volleyball arced high over the net and hit the floor, causing the kids to cheer.   
  
Kagome blew her handy-dandy whistle.   
  
"Good game everyone! Head on in, you have eight minutes to change!"   
  
She watched as they ran to their respective locker rooms, some slightly disappointed at their loss, others chattering excitedly about their win. She smiled. She loved her job. The respect. The mentoring. Changing a life....   
  
Meanwhile, as she drifted in her thoughts the bell rang, releasing chaos to reign in the hallways. She checked her watch. Lunch.   
  
"Gurgle, gurble." Her stomach said.   
  
Ergo, Kagome made sure that all the equipment was properly taken care of, waved at a few lagging students, and made her way to the teacher's lounge. Hojo found her first.   
  
"Kagome! I'm glad I caught up with you!"   
  
Kagome smiled warmly at him, "What's the hurry?"   
  
"Did you hear? There's a party today. I can't quite remember what for though."   
  
By now, they made it to the refuge o' teachers, and were immediately armed with cups of punch and a sight that neither would have expected.   
  
Sesshoumaru Inuyouki, the man renowned for making math peak at it's most miserable, therefore dubbed 'The Dread Teacher', was standing on a chair in the middle of the room with colleagues milling about, and looking entirely too pleased with himself. The fact he was even smiling was enough to make Kagome's hackles rise. Something was up.   
  
Sesshoumaru raised his punch glass in the air, others following suit, "Here's to my useless, brain-dead brother finding some poor wench to marry him! To Inuyasha!"   
  
Kagome's cup fell from nerveless fingers.   
  
====  
  
"ACHOO!" Inuyasha sniffled, then crawled out from underneath the desk he had set up. The computer sat quietly on it's surface, a testament to all electronic kind. It was time for the final test. As he hit the power button, it quietly whirred to life. Inuyasha threw his arms upwards and yelled triumphantly to the ceiling.   
  
"IT LIIIIIVESSS!"   
  


====  
  
"W-what?"   
  
"How wonderful!" Hojo beamed, "We should give Sesshoumaru our congratulations to pass on to the lucky couple."   
  
"Uh- Hojo, I don't think-"   
  
"Oh, come on! It's the least we could do! Look at how happy he is!"   
  
Truthfully, that's exactly what Kagome was worried about. Hojo, however, didn't let her protest as she was dragged to her previously-unheard-of family member. To say her head was spinning would be an understatement. It felt as if someone had detached her head, put her body on a roller coaster, and stuck her head in a clothes dryer all at the same time. Up was down, down was up, and Left was 'W'. Just as she had settled into some semblance of normality, this just had to happen didn't it? Whomever was pulling the strings had a twisted sense of humor. Tee Hee.   
  
Ahem.   
  
"I couldn't help but have the need to congratulate you, Sesshoumaru. You must be very happy for them." Kagome could have shot the man next to her as he grabbed the math teacher's hand and pumped it up and down vigorously, "Give the couple my sincerest congratulations and that I wish them the most of the best."   
  
_'Did that even make any sense?...' _The distraught woman shook herself out of her stupor as Sesshoumaru grinned eerily at Hojo with an evil glint in his eyes.   
  
"Oh, I will, Hojo. I will." Chills ran down Kagome's spine. Sesshoumaru turned his gaze to the now quiet woman who was staring at him in a dazed, wide-eyed manner, "Can I help you, Ms. Higurashi?"   
  
"How? - but- He-" She stammered, slowly turning a lovely shade of maroon, "He didn't tell me he had a brother!"   
  
Kagome clamped her hands over her mouth in horror as Sesshoumaru's eyes lit up with glee and the creepy factor shot off the charts. He chuckled lightly, the sound of it appalling coming from his throat. It didn't fit him to be so jolly. Santa, he is not.   
  
"So you're the one my idiot brother conned into wedlock. Amazing," He leaned closer, grinning ferally, "Tell me. Which one of you was unconscious at the time?"   
  
"What are you talking about?"   
  
"Ah. So you were drunk then."   
  
"Huh?"   
  
"Everyone!" Sesshoumaru boomed throughout the still buzzing lounge, grabbing Kagome's shoulder and spinning her to face the crowd of her peers, "Another toast!"   
  
Kagome buried her face in her hands, refusing to see the broken look on Hojo's face as Sesshoumaru's voice dominated the silence. _'No no no no no no...'_   
  
"TO MY SISTER-IN-LAW!"   
  


====  
  
Inuyasha was still packing the boxes and bubble wrap away into a closet in the basement when fury incarnate stormed in through the front door. He listened to the stomping taking place and the sound of something slamming shut. He shrugged and continued to neatly store the empty boxes for possible future use. Soon he heard someone happily storming down the stairs.   
  
"INUYASHAAAAA!!"   
  
The owner of said name cringed and the containers that he had stacked on the top shelf of the closet came a'tumblin' down upon his head.   
  
"Oww, dammit!" He spun around to face his arbitrator, and was met with previously said fury incarnate.   
  
"You didn't tell me you had a brother!" Kagome growled, armed with glowy red eyes and a spork. Why a spork? 'Cuz they're dangerous I tell youse!  
  
"What are you talking about, wench?"   
  
The wench approached in a menacing, dangerously slow manner, "Your brother? The one who teaches math? Ring any bells?"   
  
"Sesshoumaru?"   
  
"BASTARD!" Kagome launched herself at the now smirking openly Inuyasha, trying to take out those lovely golden eyes with the spork.   
  
Inuyasha deftly grabbed the girl's wrist and twisted painfully, forcing her arm around to be trapped behind her back. Tears began to rise in her eyes.   
  
"Let me go."   
  
"We need to talk."   
  
"Let me GO!" Kagome managed to wrench herself free, and glared at him in a watery manner as she cradled her abused wrist before storming back upstairs.   
  
"Shit," Inuyasha raced after her, a thousand things running through his mind, most of which were excuses for his behavior. He came upon a closed bathroom door and the sound of sobbing penetrating the air. He jiggled the knob, proving that it was indeed, locked. But did he really expect anything less? Of course not.   
  
"Kagome?" He gently rapped on the door, "Open up."   
  
"No."   
  
"Come on, Kagome. We need to talk!"   
  
"Why? So you can ruin my life even more than it is?"   
  
"No. We just need to get some things straightened out, Kag."   
  
The sniffling slowly calmed and after a few minutes a red/puffy eyed Kagome emerged from the bathroom's spooky depths.   
  
"You called me Kag," She murmured quietly, studying a particularly interesting floorboard, "No one has called me that in years."   
  
Inuyasha flushed slightly, dusty pink spreading across his nose. He coughed.   
  
"Yeah..well... you were in hysterics... and... I couldn't just... I mean... FEH!" He eloquently cut off the stream of babble flowing from his mouth.  
  
====  
  
And now, we find the inevitable couple for if they don't end up together in the end, the world dies, sitting in their living room, eating ramen and conversing in a semi-friendly manner.   
  
"Okay, let me get this straight. You're in this because your mother is still dedicated to your father, who disappeared when you were five, leaving behind you and your half-brother from his first marriage, with your mother, with no attempts at correspondence during all that time until a week ago when you found out you were married, and your mother held you to it because she's still faithful to him and his decisions even though he left you all those years ago?"   
  
"Basically."   
  
"Wow. And I thought I had it bad," Kagome sipped at the steaming broth, "It's almost romantic."   
  
"Feh," slurp "So what's your deal? Permanent PMS?"   
  
Kagome shot him a dangerous look and then sighed, basking in the couch-ness of the couch, "I really am sorry. I don't know what's wrong with me lately. The stress and surprises are getting to be too much." She chewed thoughtfully on the noodles, staring forward and not concentrating on anything really, just thinking. She continued.   
  
"I mean, it's just that... well, It's not everyday that you find out you were married because of a bet in a poker game..."   
  
"It wasn't poker."   
  
"What? But I thought?"   
  
"So did I."   
  
"So what-"   
  
"Don't ask."   
  
"Anyway, having Sesshoumaru show up out of nowhere like that, and things were going so well with Hojo..."   
  
Kagome continued on, but her words fell on deaf ears. Inuyasha glowered slightly, no wife of his was going to have an affair on his watch! He tuned back into the conversation as the unfortunate creature's name was mention once again.   
  
"...maybe when this is all sorted out, we'll have another chance."   
  
"No."   
  
"What?"   
  
"No."   
  
"I don't understand."   
  
"You are NOT hooking up with that sniveling rat."   
  
"Excuse me?"   
  
"I won't allow it."   
  
This did not bode well.   
  
"WHAAAT?!"   
  
The house shook in an earthquake-style manner, windows rattling, picture frames trembling, floor shaking, random strategically placed objects dancing, at Kagome's outburst. Outside, two men who looked strange and out of place like they stepped out of a black-and-white movie, and didn't get visited by the Technicolor fairy ran past yelling, "It's a twista! It's a twista!"   
  
Inuyasha, however, was unaffected. He calmly slurped at his bowl of ramen, finishing it off. When all had returned to a semblance of normality, he boldly made eye contact as no man has made eye contact before, "You heard me," then as an after thought, "Wench."   
  
"You have NO right..."   
  
"I have every right."   
  
"Says who?"   
  
Inuyasha merely pointed to an official-looking paper that was currently taped to a dart board, a few darts sticking out of it for good measure.   
  
"So?"   
  
"To honor and OBEY, wench."   
  
Kagome snarled at him, "You're not my keeper."   
  
"I don't care. You're not seeing Popo again." This developed into an all-out, no-holds barred glaring deathmatch. After about five minutes, the point where their gazes met fairly crackled with energy. Then Kagome dealt the decisive blow.  
  
"Your fly's unzipped."   
  
Inuyasha's eyes widened considerably and his gaze shot downward to verify this information as Kagome used the distraction to slip away quietly. Best to avoid the inevitable confrontation. Yeah. Right.   
  
"OI! Wench get back here!"   
  
"You can't tell me what to do or who I can see Inuyasha!" She called back from the kitchen, dialing the wireless phone, and rinsing out their bowls in the kitchen. Someone picked up.   
  
"Hello?"   
  
"Hi! Hojo?"   
  
"Yes, this is."   
  
"This is Kagome, I was wondering- DAMMIT INUYASHA!"   
  
Hojo blinked from his side of the phone as the sounds of a scuffle came through, "Hello? Kagome? What's going on?!"   
  
A gruff male voice came on the line, "Sorry, wrong number." click   
  
Kagome glared at the man who now held the phone. He glared back, and slammed the phone down on the counter.   
  
"What part of 'no' do you not understand?"   
  
"I think it's the negative part," she sneered.   
  
"Kagome..."   
  
"No."   
  
The bickering continued for a while longer. That is, until the phone began to ring.   
  
"You'll see him over my dead body!"   
  
"That can be arranged!"   
  
Ring!   
  
"Wench!"   
  
"Idiot!"   
  
Ring!   
  
"Fool!"   
  
"Jerk!"   
  
Ring!   
  
"Bitch!"   
  
"OOOh!" Kagome stormed away and Inuyasha angrily picked up the phone.   
  
"WHAT?!"   
  
"... I know what you did last summer..."   
  
His brow furrowed, the voice was familiar, "Huh?"   
  
"... Seven days..."   
  
"Miroku, you ass, what do you want?"   
  
Miroku sighed, "You're really no fun, you know that?"   
  
"Feh."   
  
"Anyway, I was merely inquiring as to whether you are going to grace me and the guys for a few games of cards at my place."   
  
"Who'll be there?"   
  
"The regulars, of course. But Royakan said he was bringing one of his buddies."   
  
"... I'll be there."_ 'I gotta get out of here...'_   
  
"Cool." Click.   
  
Now began the astronomical task of locating his keys. Rather sadistic if you ask me. He was currently attempting to fit his head under the couch in when he was interrupted.   
  
"What are you looking for?"   
  
Startled out of his wits, Inuyasha turned to face his 'attacker'. Kagome stood behind him, wearing a comfy pair of flannel pajamas. He eyed her innocent stance warily.   
  
"My keys."   
  
Kagome calmly crossed the room and entered the kitchen, disappearing for a moment and returning with the item. He accepted them from her.   
  
"I knew that." He quickly made his way to the door when she stopped him again.   
  
"Where are you going?"   
  
"Out."   
  
"Oh."   
  
At this point, Kagome padded lightly after him, grabbing a jacket and handing it to him, "Here. It's starting to get chilly."   
  
"Feh." Shrugging into it, he made to leave, but instead turned to look at her suspiciously, with one hand on the doorknob. "Why are you being so nice to me? I'm still pissed at you."   
  
Kagome smiled sadly, "I'm your wife. It's my job."   
  
He studied her coldly for a moment, and roughly jerked the door open. When he finally replied, his voice was dripping with venom.   
  
"I'm not your obligation."   
  
After that, he left.   
  
Kagome stood in shock for a moment. He was never that unfeeling towards her before. If anything, he would just attempt to suffocate her in her sleep, but otherwise they could be comparable to just a couple of roommates. But for some reason, that hit home.   
  
Slowly she moved towards the door and slid the locks into place. Then she smirked at a small piece of metal she held in her palm.   
  
Oh well.   
  


====  
  
The game itself was well underway, Inuyasha leading by a hefty amount when all heck smashed untied. Unfortunately, Inuyasha was too absorbed in his hand to notice.   
  
"Hey guys!"  
  
Miroku greeted the newcomer brightly from where he sat, "What took you so long, Royakan?"   
  
"Long story," The burly man pulled up a chair and motioned to his friend to sit as well, "Hojo, guys. Guys, Hojo."   
  
The 'guys' made mandatory noncommittal grunts of welcome, except for a certain 'you-know-who'. His eyes snapped upwards and he glared steadily at this unfortunate creature by the name of 'Hojo'.   
  
"Hi," Hojo responded politely, not noticing the man silently willing his head to implode. When he finally did, however, that opened up a whole new can of worms. Fly, fool, fly!   
  
"Hey! You're Kagome's housemate!"   
  
Inuyasha narrowed his eyes at him, "I'm actually her husband."   
  
That mere four words caught everyone's attention.   
  
Nobunaga cleared his throat, "When did you ever find time to tie the knot?"   
  
"Shut up."   
  
"Yes, sir."   
  
Hojo was majorly bewildered, "But... that can't be right. She told me that Sesshoumaru was joking. We're going to the movies together on Saturday."   
  
That elicited quite a response from Inuyasha. I.e. causing him to lunge across the table in a flury of playing cards to grab Hojo's collar and yank him towards him. They stared at eachother, eye-to-eye, and nose-to-nose, Inuyasha producing what could only be described as a growl, and Hojo looking as if he was about to wet himself.   
  
"Keep the hell away from her."   
  
"Hey, knock it off," It was Royakan to the rescue, "Jeez, Inuyasha, what's gotten into you?"   
  
"Or who have you gotten into?" Miroku leered. That earned him a blow to the head by Nobunaga.   
  
The recipient of the question merely grunted and shoved his victim away from his person to fall gracelessly back to his seat. Hojo stared at the livid Inuyasha, disturbed by the unnatural gleam in his eyes.   
  
"... Perhaps I should leave..."  
  
Royakan studied him, then the one who was currently threatening Hojo's very existence on this wonderful green earth.   
  
"I guess-"   
  
He didn't even get to finish. One could hardly tell that Hojo had even been there to begin with. One second he was there, then there was a blur, and then an empty seat. Amazing what a bit of motivation can do, ne?   
  
Miroku threw a couple of cards into the pot, "So she's your woman huh?"   
  
"My... wooh..." That last comment warranted a surprise visit of Mr. Fist to Miroku's Cranium, "Don't ever say that again!"   
  
"Owww..." The victim rubbed his head, glaring at his attacker, "Dammit! I didn't need that!"   
  
"Then don't tempt me."   
  
Jinenji spoke up from his spot, cowering behind a ficus tree plant in the corner, for the first time in this fic, "Is it over?"   
  
"Feh." Inuyasha began to shred a nearby napkin, still infuriated.   
  
Everyone quickly moved all sharp and pointy objects out of his reach. He scowled and rose from his seat, grabbing the jacket Kagome had handed him earlier in the process.   
  
"I'm outta here."   
  
====  
  
Kagome had been right. It did cool down fast. Inuyasha could actually see his breath as he hurried to the door. Upon verifying that the door was, indeed, locked, he fumbled for his keys, only to notice a small object taped to the window from the inside. His eyes widened.   
  
It was his housekey.   
  
====  
  
Meanwhile, Kagome was sleeping soundly when the cry of a male species when issuing a challenge split the night.   
  
"BITCH!!!"   
  
She smiled.   
  


====  
  
Disclaimer: Nope.   
  
A/N: Yeah, Yeah. I suck. I apologize for the extreme delay. That's what happens when life catches up on me. Heh. Heh. Unfortunately, I cannot offer any guarantees on when the next posting will be. Sorry.   
  
5h1 n0 M1k0


	6. War : Rematch

**Dealer's Choice**

Chapter 6

**War**

**0-0-0-0-0-0**

It was almost sweet, the way he curled in on himself to preserve whatever body heat he had left after sleeping outside. Childlike, almost, and Kagome almost felt bad about locking him out.

For about three seconds.

She then proceeded to wake him.

With an airhorn.

**0-0-0-0-0-0**

"Damn, 'Yash. You look like hell."

"Shut up."

It ws true. Inuyasha did look like hell. He felt like it too. And it was all Kagome's fault! What was her problm anyway? Two-faced wench. One minute she's nice and almost tolerable, the next she's... well... you know!

"Hey! Watch where you're going with that!"

Inuyasha blinked, noticing for the first time the nail gun that he held in his calloused hand. He looked around slowly.

Nails stuck out of random objects all around him. Apparently he was a pretty good shot, too. Jaken stood off to his right, looking all the world like he was just dodging something, but... oh.

Oops.

"Are you okay?" Jaken brought his arms down from where they were wrapped around his head for protection.

"Yeah," Inuyasha replied gruffly, dropping the tool at his feet and turning away. He needed something to do!! Anything! Just get that woman out of his head before he killed something!

"Are you sure? Maybe you should take the day off..." Jaken watched nervously ans Inuyasha began working like a madman, looking possessed all the way. 'Twas not pretty.

"No."

"Then at least slow down! You're scaring all the guys!"

He paused in his work to glance at his coworkers. They were staring at him wide-eyed, slowly inching away from his general vicinity. Hanging his head, Inuyasha took a deep breath to calm himself. Jaken was right. This was ridiculous.

"Rough night?"

Inuyasha nodded.

Jaken approached the man as one who would approach a viper, although no one comes to mind who ever would, approach a viper I mean, "Take the day off. We'll all cover for ya. We can't have a psychotic boss now can we?"

Inuyasha chuckled darkly, "I thought you already did."

"... eh? When did you hear that?!" Jaken began to sweat.

The crazy man grinned widely at the poor guy and merely walked away.

**0-0-0-0-0-0**

"Sesshoumaru!" Kagome jogged after the stoic man, gaining quickly, "Wait!"

It was lunch, and she was going to get some answers from that man whether he liked it or not! Gall darn it!

The elegant man stopped his elegant stride down the hallway, turning in an elegant manner and arching an elegant eyebrow in the process.

Did I mention he was elegant?

Anywho, as he managed to make breathing seem like the most beautiful thing in the world, Kagome skidded to a not-so-elegant halt and looked him directly in the elegant eye.

"We need to talk."

**0-0-0-0-0-0**

"Movin' right along, dum de dum dum de dum, footloose and faaaancyyy freeeee!..."

Okay. So he has a couple screws loose.

Inuyasha was currently driving down the road. To where? I am unsure. Therefore, let's look in on the conversation between Kagome and Mr. Beautiful...

**0-0-0-0-0-0**

"Please?"

"No."

"Pretty please?"

"No."

"Why not?"

"Because."

**0-0-0-0-0-0**

"She's at lunch right now, sir, but I believe she could be back now. Here's the room number and a visitor's pass."

Inuyasha scowled at the sticker with the time and his destination scrawled on it in the secretary's loopy handwriting. The expected him to wear this thing?!? The secretary glared at him. Apparently so. He sighed and stuck the thing to his jacket before heading to the heart of the building.

According to the directions he was supposed to take a right, then a left, then a right, then another right, then a left...

**0-0-0-0-0-0**

"Why are you so stubborn?"

"It's in my nature."

"I refuse to tell you anything."

"Pleeeease? Just a little bit?"

"No."

"Come on! Look deep inside! You know you want to!!"

"Well, now that you mention it..."

"... Eh?"

"No." RIIIIING!!

**0-0-0-0-0-0**

He was lost. Horribly, completely, does-anyone-have-a-flare-handy lost. Whoever designed the layout of the building was either insane, or insane AND high off black lights. After all, this was the third dead-end he ran into. Wait... that poster looked vaguely familiar...

"DAMMIT!!"

"Uncle Inu!"

The cry in itself was innocent, as was the voice behind it. However, to Inuyasha, that was the sound of the devil herself. He turned slowly, making no sudden movements to face the creature that came up behind him. The little girl squealed and ran forward to tackle the man in a bear hug revealing a strength far beyond her small frame.

Well, it was more of a 'throwing-herself-at-his-legs-and-holding-on-for-dear-life' than a bear hug.

"Um.. hi, Rin."

"Did Uncle Inu come all this way just to see Rin? Rin missed Uncle Inu!"

Inuyasha sighed and ruffled the sprite's hair. It seems they didn't quite cure her from speaking in third-person yet. "Aren't you supposed to be in class?"

"No. Rin got a bathroom pass!" She looked up at him with a grin that would melt the stoniest of hearts, "Where is Uncle Inu going? Does he have a bathroom pass, too?"

"No, I do not have a bathroom pass. I'm trying to find someone."

"Rin can help!"

"I don't..."

"Pleeeeeeease?"

Inuyasha melted like a popsicle that's been sat on during a hot summer day, "Fine." Rin squealed happily once more and grabbed his hand, pulling him down the hallway.

"Wait a second! You don't even know where I want to go!"

"Uncle Inu wanted to see Papa!"

"I did?"

"Uh-huh! Here's Papa's room! Bye-bye!" And with that, the girl was gone. Sure enough, she left the man by the mathematical lair of the ever feared, Dread Teacher Sesshoumaru.

"Are you going to come in, or are you going to stand cross-eyed there forever? You're disturbing my class."

**0-0-0-0-0-0**

"Miss Higurashi?" A little red-headed boy came running up to her, "Samantha got hurt."

"Where is she?"

The boy pointed to as spot where a group of children were crowding around a unseen child who was obviously sitting on the floor. Kagome rose from the bleacher she was sitting on, grade book forgotten.

She jogged the short distance to the tiy mob and set her sights on the little girl sitting in the center, quiet tears leaking from her eyes. Kagome knelt next to her.

"Where does it hurt?" She directed her attention to the foot the girl pointed at, gingerly touching the ankle, "Here?"

The girl bit her lip and nodded.

"What happened? Did you step on it funny?"

The girl nodded again. Kagome quickly examined the swelling ankle once more, and stood.

"Here, get up on your good foot, okay?" The girl responded by taking Kagome's hand and wobbling upright, balancing precariously. The kids crowded around the two and stepped out of the way as Kagome turned and crouched.

"Get on my back." She felt the girl grab her for balance, and she hooked her arms around the girl's knees to hoist her up in a piggy-back ride. The kids were all too eager to help hold the door open for the two to get through.

"Be good. I'll have someone sent down to watch you."

"Yes, Ms. Higurashi."

"I trust you all to behave."

Famous last words.

**0-0-0-0-0-0**

Screaming.

Children screaming.

The one sound that made him lose his sanity faster than... well, finding out that he was magically married. And that already happened, so this couldn't be good.

Inuyasha had finally arrived at the gymnasium only to find chaos weraking havoc joyfully around the room in the form of children.

Children screaming.

Screaming.

Time for cliché calming techniques.

'Ten... Nine... Eight... Seven...'

"QUIIIEEEETTT!"

Everything stopped.

A red-headed boy came forward from a group of frozen kids, looking incredibly guilty.

"Are you the substitute?"

Inuyasha surveyed the room, observing the rolls of toilet paper strewn about, and the markers that were clenched in small fists.

"What's your name kid?"

"...Shippo."

Inuyasha put a firm hand on the boy's head and gave him a malicious smile, "Tell ya what. I'll give you one minute to completely clean up and destroy all evidence of this, or I will call Mr. Inuyouki down here to discipline every, single, one of you."

"You wouldn't..." Shippo crossed his arms stubbornly.

"Watch me," Inuyasha leaned down with a toothy smile and lowered his voice so only Shippo could hear, "He's my brother."

The change in the boy's demeanor was visible. Right away he blanched and began ordering kids around, who immediately flew into action. In less than five minutes, the room was spotless and the children were lined up by height, weight, and birthday.

Inuyasha inspected the line closely, choosing to interrogate a suspicious looking kid.

"Where's your teacher?"

"She took Sam to the nurse."

"And left you all alone?"

"She trusts us! We're good kids!"

"Sure... Tell ya what. Count off by twos. Ones go there, Twos over there..."

**0-0-0-0-0-0**

"There you are, it's just twisted," Kaede rocked back on her heels to give a reassuring smile to the girl in the chair before her crouching self, "It'll get better, but for now, why don't you stay with me for a bit. Okay?"

"Thank you so much, Kaede.," Kagome smiled warmly at the nurse.

"It's no problem, Kagome. But don't you have a class right now?"

Kagome's eyes widened, "Oh no..."

**0-0-0-0-0-0**

"NO RUNNING IN THE HALLWAYS!" Kagome shouted as she sprinted back to her class. The student joggers in question watched in shock and awe as she skidded around the corner, losing minimum speed.

How could she have been so STUPID?! She had left the class with SHIPPO!! Kagome sped up, nearly colliding with a janitor. SHIPPO! The creator of 'How To Cause Trouble With A Twinkie In 201 Ways'!

She became more and more wary as she came closer to her destination, without hearing tell-tale signs of chaos. She skidded to a stop outside the double-doors and flung them open wide only to witness the strangest sight ever.

"RED ROVER, RED ROVER, LET 'YASHA COME OVER!!"

Kagome face faulted as the bane of her existence left one line of children to jog to the other side of the gym and fake that he wasn't strong enough to break past the joined hands of the other team.

"You've GOT to be joking."

Afraid not.

A few turns went by as she stood in open-mouthed awe as Inuyasha schmoozed with the kids like he was a local. She couldn't be sure, but it looked like he was genuinely enjoying himself. If that isn't disturbing, then what in the world is? Besides a giddy Sesshoumaru that is...

Unfortunately, as she was attempting to file away all this new knowledge into neatly labeled and color coded boxes in her mind, conspiracy was afoot. Afoot like a weasel.

"RED ROVER, RED ROVER, LET MISS HIGURASHI COME OVER!!"

She blinked, looking at her challengers. Inuyasha grinned at her wolfishly from his place in line, practically oozing with smug satisfaction. Clean up, Aisle Three!

Kagome narrowed her eyes at him, "I think a change of game is in order. Who's up for some BattleBall?"

**0-0-0-0-0-0**

Inuyasha tugged at the sash tied around his waist, "What are we doing?"

Shippo sighed. It was the fifteenth time the knucklehead had asked. He had been counting. The boy turned and placed his hands on his hips, glaring at the man impatiently.

"Okay! Listen up and listen good, cus this is the LAST TIME I'm going to say this and I'm not going to say it again! We're playing BattleBall! You throw the balls to try and hit the other team members! If you get hit, you're out! If someone catches a ball that you threw while it's still in midair, you're out! If you get out, you sit. Medics can come and get you back in the game by pulling you past THIS line!" He stomped the line for emphasis, "You're a medic! Save people!"

Kagome watched with great amusement as Shippo lost his temper. Little Shippo was more than a match for Inuyasha. She checked the sash around her waist, and raised her whistle to her lips, giving a short blast.

Game on.

**0-0-0-0-0-0**

"Ooowww..."

Both Kagome and Inuyasha both sat on the small cot, Kagome holding an ice pack to the side of her head as Inuyasha nursed a black eye.

"Wench!" Inuyasha muttered, "I can't believe you did that!"

"Shut up."

Kaede returned from the back room and approached Kagome. She confiscated the ice pack and examined the goose egg that was slowly forming on Kagome's head.

"It's all his fault," Kagome muttered.

"Who's?"

"His," Kagome pointed at the sulking man, "He took out half my team!"

"That was the point, wench!"

"I don't care! You deserved it!"

"HOW DID I DESERVE-"

Kaede shook her head and left the room, closing the door behind her to muffle the indignant outcries.

**0-0-0-0-0-0**

Shippo squirmed under the cool gaze of the principal. The principal himself calmly adjusted the round wire-rimmed glasses on his nose and folded his hands on his desk.

"Shippo, I want you to tell me what happened."

The little boy fidgeted. He didn't want to be the one to tattle. He would be blackballed from society! He'd be lynched! He'd be jumped on the playground! He'd be made to play dress-up! He shuddered as he received a vision of a frilly pink dress.

With matching hair bows.

The principal noted Shippo's resistance carefully. He could tell he was dealing with an expert. Time for Plan B.

Shippo watched as the principal deliberately reached into a desk drawer and pulled out a large bowl of M&Ms. He began to sweat.

**0-0-0-0-0-0**

Kagome's patience was wearing thin as Inuyasha continued to tap his feet in an extremely annoying fashion. As he had been doing for the last half-hour.

"Got a death-wish, punk?" She growled.

Suddenly a streak of orange lightning shot into the office and right to where Kagome was sitting.

"I'MSORRYI'MSORRYI'MSORRYI'MSORRY!!" Shippo wailed into her stomach, arms cinched tight around her waist. The foreboding shadow of the principal loomed intthe doorway.

"Shippo..." Inuyasha grumbled threateningly, "What did you do?!?"

"You don't understand!!" The boy yelped, turning his wild eyes to the man sporting a black eye, "He had SNICKERS!!!"

**0-0-0-0-0-0**

Well, suffice it to say, all's well that did not end well. Inuyasha managed to get himself expelled and Kagome barely kept her job. Which meant she was verry verry unhappy with her husband. That explained why she didn't come home right away...

Inuyasha had constructed a stake-out on the couch. Armed with soda, popcorn, and all of the Lethal Weapon movies, he settled in for the wait. After all, Satan had to come home some time, right?

**0-0-0-0-0-0**

Apparently not.

Inuyasha yawned and looked at his watch. It had been hours, and there was still no sign of Kagome.

**0-0-0-0-0-0**

"MEN ARE DOGS!!" Kagome yelled, raising her glass high. Rumiko and Mirdoriko followed suit.

"HERE HERE!"

All three then took hearty swallows of their drinks and slammed their glasses on the table.

"Man, Kagome," Rumiko sympathized, "I can't believe he did that to you. At work too!"

Kagome nodded, bleary eyed as Midoriko leaned over to rest a comforting arm across her shoulders, "If you ever need anything, dear, just give me a call, alright?"

Kagome nodded again, taking another drink to stare gloomily into the depths of her glass. _'Maybe I should call to let Inu know I'm okay...nah. What would he care?'_ "Midoriko?"

"Yeah?"

"Can I stay at your place tonight?"

**0-0-0-0-0-0**

He was crazed. It was now extremely late, and his paranoid mind was quickly coming up with every possible worst-case scenario known to mankind. Including the one with martians.

And she didn't have a cell phone!! Why, oh, why did she not have a cell phone?!? All SENSIBLE people had a cell phone-

Then the front door swung open with an extreme force to be reckoned with and three upset, inebriated women stormed in. Before he even had a chance to sputter one of his indecent platitudes, they stormed to the back of the house with a mission.

Inuyasha gaped as they entered Kagome's room and began to very neatly trash it as they threw clothes in a duffel bag. Most, however, didn't quite make it in.

"WHAT IS THE MEANING IS THIS?!?"

"GIRLS!" Kagome yelled resolutely, "TO THE BATHROOM!"

In an organized manner, the three grabbed the duffel bag and marched to the aforementioned bathroom only to raid it in a similar fashion to the bedroom.

When finished, they stomped out the door without any further ado, and left Inuyasha standing in the middle of the living room, eye twitching.

**0-0-0-0-0-0**

"Mmm..." Kagome rolled to her side in an attempt to make herself more comfortable for sleeping. We all know how important that is.

So, she fell off the couch.

And there she lay, sprawled on a rag throw rug, tangled in the blankets, and blinking dazedly at an unfamiliar ceiling.

With a funny feeling building in her throat.

_'Great... just what I need.'_

In very fuzzy bits, the actions of the night before came back to her. Almost losing her job, getting completely wasted, and camping out on Midoriko's couch.

The next brilliant deduction ended in her scuttling to the bathroom.

After emptying her stomach, Kagome blearily searched through the medicine cabinet in an attempt to stop the ogres from clogging on her brain.

"Mou..." A bedraggled Midoriko appeared in the doorway, "You gonna use that?"

"I think I'm good."

"Good," And with that, Midoriko stumbled to the shrine, knelt, and prayed to the porcelain god.

Grimacing, Kagome left and began to retrieve her belongings, marveling at the utter randomosity of the items involved. When did she need an electric shaver? Or a digital thermometer?

As the sound of retching ceased from the bathroom, Kagome deemed it safe to check on her new bestest friend in the WHOLE WIDE WORLD.

"You okay?" She yelled.

"Yeah."

"Do you have an extra toothbrush?"

"Umm..." The sound of drawers opening and closing reached her, "No, sorry!"

Kagome looked hopelessly down at her bag of useless items. She'd have to go home. The idea was not favorable at the moment. Hoisting the duffel's strap over her shoulder, she lurched back to the bathroom. Midoriko was washing her face.

"Mido? I just wanted to let you know that I was heading out. Thanks for letting me stay the night."

"No problem!" She splashed water on her face, "It was fun. But if this ever happens again, no booze."

"I'll drink to that!"

Midoriko laughed, "See ya!"

**0-0-0-0-0-0**

The house was dark and quiet. It unnerved Kagome greatly. She slipped into her room and dumped her bag on her bed; she'd deal with it later. To the bathroom!

After brushing her teeth, she decided that it was in her best interest to find something to eat. She made a pilgrimage to the kitchen, noting the blinking red light on the answering machine. First, retrieving a glass from the cupboard and filling it with juice, she pressed the playback button and lifted the glass to her lips.

It was her mother.

"Kagome! Call me as soon as you get this! Your grandfather has gone missing! Well, he did leave a note... but, dear, it says he's going to Las Vegas!"

The glass fell from nerveless fingers and shattered on the floor.

Dun Dun Duuuuuun.

**0-0-0-0-0-0**

Disclaimer: No ownies.

5h1 n0 M1k0


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